My daughter, my editor.

Yesterday, Molly and I were lunching on delightfully messy barbecue chicken at a local eatery.  In between wiping the smoky, tasty sauce off my hands, arms, shorts and legs (Yes, my legs.  I'm a slob and a klutz.  See prior post.), I was advising the kid on what she may expect at BlogHer, as she will be in attendance on Day Two.

"So, people may come up to you and tell you they see you all the time on my blog."

"Okay."

"And, they'll probably ask what you think about my blog and then if you have a blog, and then tell you how beautiful you are and all that."

"Okay.  I'll tell them about my MySpace."

Pause.  A big disquieting one.

"Mom, can I tell them the truth about your blog?"

My fork stops midway to my gaping mouth.  Barbecue sauce drips on to my tee shirt.  My body turns cold in spite of the summer heat.

"The truth?"

"Yeah.  Your blog is really funny, Mom.  But, you make me and my friends look stupid."

Stupid. I was devastated.  I hastily run through blog entries in my mind.  Did this make Moll and her friends appear stupid?  Or was it this, or this ?  Did this offend her?

I wanted more than anything to jump out of my seat, gather Molly up in a big hug and assure her with all the immediate stock responses - I don't mean to make you and your friends look stupid...I make fun of everyone on my blog, especially myself...I'm teasing you and your friends because you're all so endearing...One day you'll read this stuff and you'll know I  meant it all with love.

But, I shocked myself and likely my kiddo, by simply saying a soft, "Yes" and  "Oh." 

Then, I apologized.

Molly didn't say much in return.  However, with my unusually quiet response, I'd like to think she knew that I heard and respected her.

I won't take down the posts, but I will take on Molly as the Official State of Grace Editor for Adolescent Affairs.  I'll be showing her any blog entries related to her prior to publishing.  Except for this one; I wanted one last taste of editorial free blogging. 

The editor and her staff of one.

Comments

[Denise]

Is that the first time she's ever suggested she felt this way? Interesting. Can I ask her about that when I meet her? From a purely mom of a teen who is used to me making her and her friends sound stupid?

Personally, I don't think they sound stupid at all in your blog - I think they sound wonderful and funny and smart and interesting and young. Which is what you should make them sound like, since that it what they are. Right?

Interestingggggggggg - ummm wait, I need to hide your blog from Michelle and Chris, in case they decide I am making them sound dumb. Darn you Molly!!!! ;-)

[landismom]

Wow, that is quite...interesting. Sometimes, I wonder what my kids would think of my blog, but neither of them are yet at a point that they can comprehend it. Thanks, Molly (and Grace) for giving me something to think about, for sure.

[Mary Tsao]

The mommyblogger and the teen. Yes, I see a talk much like this one in many of our futures.

Thank you for giving me some advice on how to handle it.

P.S. I've never read a post re: Molly or her friends and thought she or they were stupid.

[e]

never never never! molly (&co.) not once have i thought you sounded stupid. you sound great!

[Lin]

Molly, I've never thought you sounded stupid...ever. But I think it's a good plan for you to edit your Mom's words when they are about you. I think that's fair since they are out there for anyone to read. Having said that, it's always been obvious to me (from your Mom's blog) that she respects and admires you tremendously.

Great pic, btw!

[Leslie]

Grace, there's nothing wrong with anything you've written about Molly and her friends, it's fine, and they're all great kids. Girls seem to be more bothered than boys about things like this, although I'm sure there are always exceptions to the rule. You haven't done anything wrong. Not even inadvertantly. It's just the nature of the teenage girl beast.

I know my own dear girl, who's starting college next month loves me. I just wish she was a little more appreciative of the money her dad and I are spending to send her to school, and a bit nicer to her brother. You handled it in typical Grace Davis fashion. With poise and very well.

This too shall pass.

[savtadotty]

The first stupid thing I ever read about Molly is that she thinks you make her sound stupid! And you can tell her I said so, although I'm sure she'll think I'm stupid so it won't make any difference.

[Kristen]

I see this in the very near future - and she's only 2 right now.

[nina]

Let me also say that I always thought your writings about Molly and her friends made them sound like terrific, fun, smart, gorgeous girls. I'm looking forward to meeting Molly at BlogHer.

[pam]

I'd like to assure Molly that, from the viewpoint of this blog reader, she and her friends don't come off sounding stupid. Not in the least.

But I get this sort of complaint from my 9 year-old too. It's why I don't share much about her at all. She's very sensitive about what is said about her on the net, and I decided to respect her feelings above my desire to blog.

[Tonya]

I agree, Grace, that absolutely NOTHING you've ever written about Molly has shown me anything but love and respect and concern -- times a thousand. I do think girls are more sensitive. My son knows I blog about him, and the only negative thing he said was, "You mentioned my NAME?" I said, "Well, only your first name." Then he shrugged and was fine about it. And I don't think he EVER makes a point to read my blog. It just doesn't matter to him. (Boys are very different animals),

[Stan]

For what it's worth, the impression I had of Molly from reading about her here was that she seemed quite charming. And if I was 15 years old I'd probably have a huge crush on her.

[chris]

I think you are a such a wonderful mother, Grace. It is a difficult balance sometimes between sharing and oversharing as far as our offspring go. I notice that I can blog all day long about my little ones, but the older ones require and demand much more privacy.

FWIW, and I know it isn't much, I have always thought everything you write about Molly has made her sound smart, insightful, and beautiful. And I truly look forward to meeting her.

[cmhl]

good job to YOU for respecting her opinion--- taht is really a good mom moment..

[samirah]

I never thought Molly or any of her friends came across as stupid in your posts. I actually wish I was as together as they are when I was that age.

My stepmother is a writer for our local newspaper and I seem to end up in her columns a lot so I think I know how Molly feels. Maybe it's the way you talk about the noises (ewwww, gross, etc) they make? Or how they get exasperated with your music choices (Been Caught Stealing)? In any case 15 is a really hard age to be, you always feel under attack.

[Daxohol]

Yet another shining example of what a wonderful mother and daughter team you girls are!!

Molly, I never got the impression that you and your friends were dumb...FYI...in fact, the total opposite. The ribbing only makes you out to be stonger. But your feelings always carry much merit...

I have to say, that if you kick this much ASS at your age, I am comforted to know that there is your circle of smart, strong and vivacious young women in the State of California that will influence others to follow suit.

[panasianbiz]

I stumbled across your blog while I was doing some online research. I think many of us have children who feel that some of what we say or do is embarrassing to them. I think that's actually a normal part of the growing up process!

[Michele]

Wow. I am just getting started blogging and read about this post in a series on how to start a blog. You were referred by someone who I found referred by someone else I read for the first time today. That is just amazing to me.

I just had to take a second and tell you I read some of the links you worry about and teared up on both. Your love for your daughter is just so apparent. So, she may worry about how something makes her feel stupid, and really they are funny and sweet, but I think what you should be most proud of is the fact that she wasn't focused on the love. She knows exactly how special she is to you, she is confident enough in it that it is just a normal everyday thing. Too normal to mention. That is something I think all moms of teenage girls hope for.

You are an amazing and gifted writer, I cannot wait to read more. Thanks for the stories.