Suffering

I'm off to do a long run, 12 miles if my knee can take it.

While I'm trotting, my mind will be turning and churning...

...about what I saw in Spike Lee's HBO documentary, When The Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts.  Viewed it three times in the past week.  If anything gets my ass moving on relief work, this is it.  If anything gets my ass moving on voting out Republicans on any level of the government, this is it.

...remembering FEMA Director Michael Motherfucker "heck of a job" Brown and how deeply I sunk to the point of shaky, angry sobbing fury at the Bush Administration.  I poured it all out by writing this, which prompted this heated exchange.

...then I'm thinking that the anniversary of Katrina will be overshadowed by the five year anniversary of 9/11 and as much as I was horrified about 9/11, as much as I was doing the same angry sobbing that day and for days afterwards, I think Katrina was worse, far worse.  We were attacked, yes, on 9/11.  But, our own government attacked its own citizens along the Gulf Coast with its blind ineptitude and thinly disguised disdain.

...and who will show up but my hardass, cynical self, trying to explain it all to my angry sobbing self.  Pointing out the ongoing criminal behavior of the Federal government, with the example of the FEMA trailers alone, full of toxins, and how that's not too far criminal an act to when the Calvary knowingly infected Native Americans with pox ridden blankets.

...then the hardass self will remind my sobbing self of what I read in Salon.com some years back, this anonymous black woman's response to 9/11:

I watched from my window, not on television, as the twin towers fell. As shocked as I was, I felt that this was not my problem as a black person. The people who worked at the World Trade Center were mostly white men, and so they had nothing to do with me as a black woman.

When there was an outpouring of grief and donations from every corner of the United States, I said to myself, If those planes had flown into a housing project and the victims were poor blacks and Latinos, people in Missouri wouldn't give a damn. When I heard that there had been over $1 billion in private donations, I asked myself where was this money before? Why hadn't it been donated to help the homeless, children who do not have access to an education, people who do not have access to healthcare? Here we have people rushing to write checks to people whose families will be taken care of by insurance or their employers.

To me, 9/11 was just another example of the American paradigm of deservedness and white entitlement. We are not all Americans; the white investment banker, the white fireman, the white police officer, the white EMT, they are Americans.

There's always been a joke among African-Americans about black folks and white folks during a disaster. My father was quick to point out a black woman who had managed to get out of the towers when she was actually on a floor above where the plane hit and she was still trying to get out of downtown when the reporter stopped her.

The fact that tons of white people just stood there near the towers looking before they fell cracked him up. It confirmed the stereotype of white folks never thinking anything is ever going to happen to them. And since black people are used to fucked-up crap happening to them all the time they were trying to get the hell out of there.

Of course I spotted a few African-Americans looking lost. My dad just said that they've been around white people too damn long. Real black folks run.

...that's crazy-hard to read.  Some of us will recoil.  Yet, as radical as that may be to you and me, these words are likely everyday considerations for Black Americans.

 

Then, my middle-way self will gently push herself forward and try her best to see the balance of  9/11 and Katrina and everything else.  That it's all suffering and that our work is to alleviate suffering, as much as we can. 

Then,  middle-way self reminds me of our most important task - alleviate the suffering, and start with oneself.

So, I will run.  Long may I run.

Comments

[Joe Nedney]

"But, our own government attacked its own citizens along the Gulf Coast with its blind ineptitude and thinly disguised disdain."

Wow, that is just insane.

[e]

amen to this lady. i was saying something similar at the time and was chided for it among bloggers. in general, we are clueless; what katrina has shown us is that we are resolutely clueless. we all imagine ourselves to be at the lowest common denominator, it's more comfortable that way.

unfortunately, though, what she says about black folks running actually wasn't the case on 9/11. the overwhelming proportion of victims of 9/11 were minorities,the people who work in the back offices of the Street. we didn't really notice that because there were white folks to concentrate on, most especially the firemen. as far as katrina, it was something of a more equal opportunity offender, the critical difference being that it didn't happen where it counts.

speaking of which, i can't see the spike lee thing, not having cable.

[landismom]

The Spike Lee thing is amazing, and I've also just started reading Douglas Brinkley's book "Deluge" about what led up to the flooding and after it. Nagin comes off quite a bit worse in Brinkley's version than in Lee's. One of the things I remember writing about Katrina at the time was that the administration would not have the luxury of revisionist history, because there were so many people on screen, on air, and on the web who were recording it as it happened.

[Mary Tsao]

Thanks for speaking your mind, Grace. I hope I would run, too.

[Liora]

I would think her view is in the minority of the minority. Seems pretty racist to me. We weren't black and white on that day. Sad that even then she couldn't see the world otherwise. I see that as her individual failing, not the failing of society.

[Roz]

Delurking for at least one comment...(BTW, I love your blog...) as a former resident of New Orleans, having left before Katrina, thank God, while you are encouraging folks to vote out Republicans, please remind them, if they have the power, to vote out Kathleen Blanco. Though I quite agree that the feds dropped the ball, big time, at least part of the reason behind that was Blanco's unwillingness to give up one iota of power, even as her own people lay dying in the streets of the city. Ray Nagin made some mistakes, big ones, but at least he is more or less owning up to them, although I'm not sure he would have been my choice for re-election.. I didn't live through it and the folks that voted him back in, did. But there is NO excuse for her actions, other than she is an idiot. Was when I lived there, hasn't changed IMHO.

[kerrianne]

"Then, my middle-way self will gently push herself forward and try her best to see the balance of 9/11 and Katrina and everything else. That it's all suffering and that our work is to alleviate suffering, as much as we can.

Then, middle-way self reminds me of our most important task - alleviate the suffering, and start with oneself."

Beautifully said. Run well, GraceD. : )

[kelly]

Oof. I'll be rolling this around in my head all day. Thank you.

[Rae]

You are right. And I want to cry just reading that excerpt from Salon.com. I'm all full of emotion and anger now, thanks for the kick in the butt.

And those words *are* everyday considerations for Black Americans, and so many people have no clue, and I'm so glad that you wrote this and reminded me again of the terrible imbalance going on in this country.

[Ceece]

I'm going to have to agree with Liora's comments. When I heard about the towers and katrina, the color of these people's skin, was the last thing on my mind, until is was repeatedly THROWN IN MY FACE.

True, there is a terrible imbalance in this world when it comes to race, but if we truly want equality and we truly want to stop seeing color, then the language that was used in that excerpt should be frowned upon. I dare a white person to used her phrasing but switched it to read from:
The fact that tons of white people just stood there near the towers looking before they fell cracked him up. It confirmed the stereotype of white folks never thinking anything is ever going to happen to them. And since black people are used to fucked-up crap happening to them all the time they were trying to get the hell out of there.

Of course I spotted a few African-Americans looking lost. My dad just said that they've been around white people too damn long. Real black folks run.
To:
The fact that tons of black people just stood there near the towers looking before they fell cracked him up. It confirmed the stereotype of black folks never thinking anything is ever going to happen to them. And since white people are used to fucked-up crap happening to them all the time they were trying to get the hell out of there.

Of course I spotted a few white's looking lost. My dad just said that they've been around black people too damn long. Real white folks run.

They would have been strung up. Why? Because it's bullshit and exactly the type of stereotypical calling out that we "claim" to be fighting.

I am raising a 2 year old son in a world that cry's out for racial equality, and then something like this comes up. What should I tell him when he starts to question it? "Oh son, it's OK for one group to talk about how then want everyone to see them as equals but they can talk about whoever they want however they want".

I think it's hypocritical crap.

[Ceece]

PS. sorry for the novel.

[Liz Henry]

I disagree with Ceece. We can't be colorblind. Racism is huge, real, powerful, and terrible. It affected everything about Katrina and the disaster. We have to talk about race and racism in this country. Being "colorblind" is a luxury, a mark of extreme privilege.

I also believe what Grace said.

I would go even further. We are in a disaster every day. We don't have to wait for the Big Earthquake to do disaster relief. There is poverty in my town right now. We're in a horrible war on many fronts. Those are perpetual disasters.

We have to figure out how to work against them.

[culotte]

I disagree with you, Ceece.

"but if we truly want equality and we truly want to stop seeing color."

I feel that this is part of the problem. As Liz eloquently stated, being colorblind isn't going to address the issues.

And thank you Grace, for posting that excerpt.

[Ceece]

No you're both right. Racism does need to be talked about, but I don't think being colorblind makes you a person of privelage.

My "problem" is with the hypocrisy that goes along with it. White people are not "allowed" to point out that someone is black or asian and God forbid they make a stereotypical remark about someone a differant race then them, but if a "minority" does it, meh *shrugs shoulders*

[birchsprite]

Ummmmmm.........

I'm not an American.

I'm from Northern Ireland.

We've had Terrorism for the last thirty years....even longer than that really. We have started the long road to peace, through dialogue and trying to understand the other side.

But what I think we all really need to do, is to start recognising that there is no them or us. We are all essentially the same.

Constantly looking back to all the hurts and prejudices of the past only continues the pain and suffering.

The Irish have as chequered a past as anyone. We certainly haven't worked out the secret to peace. But maybe it's up to everyone in the world to start looking for it.

One thing I have noticed is that blogging can be totally free of race, colour, nationality etc. How do we really know what colour or creed the person writing is? We all seem to enjoy reading what others have to write irrespective of whether they would be in our social sphere in the real world. Surely this highlights the fact that underneath the superficial aspects of who we are, we are all essentially the same.

After all how else in the world would a Northern Irish woman be able to ramble on to this amazing collection of woman?

Does it really matter what we look like or what we sound like?

[new yawka]

as much as I was horrified about 9/11, as much as I was doing the same angry sobbing that day and for days afterwards, I think Katrina was worse, far worse.

This is the dumbest most idiotic stupid quote i have ever seen

[Justin]

Thats a whole lot of different "selfs" Grace. ;-)

By the way, as far as this statement:

"Then, middle-way self reminds me of our most important task - alleviate the suffering, and start with oneself."

I have found that if you actually focus on relieving the suffering in others... it will do far more for you than if you are inwardly focused and just try to relieve the suffering in yourself. We all suffer in many ways. If not physically, then there is much more mentally and emotionally to deal with. Being thankful for what we have and trying to help others though is about the best remedy I have ever found for any suffering that I've had to go through.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Robert Daoust]

Hi Grace. Like kerrianne and Justin, I will comment on the following:

"Then, my middle-way self will gently push herself forward and try her best to see the balance of 9/11 and Katrina and everything else. That it's all suffering and that our work is to alleviate suffering, as much as we can.
Then, middle-way self reminds me of our most important task - alleviate the suffering, and start with oneself.
So, I will run. Long may I run."

Your words are the subject of my blog today (http://aboutsuffering.blogspot.com/). I would like to collect together all instances of people saying that suffering is a first concern. Because if it is so important, I suppose there should be a place where suffering, all suffering, is dealt with, as a first concern, before anything else. Thus, yes, there would be one simple place where we could address in a coherent theoretical and practical framework all the huge variety of problems, hurricanes and terrorism, racism and insanity... Setting up such a place is what I advocate.

Take good care of yourself.