My Hips Don't Lie

All righty then, I'm over my snit about the Haters and Doubters.  That doesn't imply that this blog is now open season for neocon trolls, it simply means that I have stopped frothing at the mouth whenever I get an email or comment with information such trolls urgently want to share like - Obama's going to raise your taxes/Obama is a terrorist/Obama is the anti-Christ/Obama hates your dog/Obama's doing your mama.

Bah! Bogus and childish stuff, most especially the indelicate notion about my 75 year old mother.  She's an elderly Filipina lady who would just as soon whack anyone's face with her adobo stirring spoon, much less allow herself to be "done".  Certainly, the dignified Senator Obama would never "do" her or anyone's mama, but, as a Hawaiian guy, he would be happy to do a plate of Mom's adobo.   The bottom line -  Obama will be cutting taxes for the vast majority of Americans, so he's not going to "do" anybody, even the wealthy, as the data indicates everybody fares better economically when a Democrat is in the White House.

What Barack Obama can do is a few perfect pull-ups right before a speech.

This is a perfect segue to discuss something that I did and I don't know how ah dunnit:

I sustained a fracture at the top of my right thigh bone, a 2.0ish cm crack across the greater trochanter blatantly visible on xray and painfully evident in my gait. 

I started hurting and limping three weeks ago.  At first I thought it was arthritis, being a junior elderly Filipina lady and all.  Never wanting to be a wuss, I carried on with my activities including taking a mini vacation to Maui, power-gardening, professional Jack Russell Terrier wrangling and associating with the house hooligans, Molly and her boyfriend Jordy.  But, my body hollered "BULLSHIT!" with this delusional behavior - every time I pulled myself up from the poolside lounger at the Maui resort, emerge from a car, or rise from the spot of dirt where I've been planting, I have to lean on anything in the vicinity that would lend support - a husband or a garden rake would do - and avoid bearing weight on my right leg.  Then, I have to gird my loins and try to put one foot in front of the other, cussing every time my right foot touches the ground.  After a minute or so of hobbling and muttering the eff word, I find my pace and limp to the nearest bottle of ibuprofen or rum.  Or both.

Last week I thought it may be a good idea to get this painful business evaluated.  Our beloved family doctor (a real family practitioner who tends to everyone around me - Molly, Hubs and my ex/Moll's dad) tested my range of motion on the exam table and I actually cried. That pissed me off as I have a longstanding record for stoicism at the doctor's.  I am a macho chick who delivered her daughter without drugs, survived a needle biopsy that went deep into my left boob, had a skin tag adjacent to my eye clipped with a sharp little scissors and more.  I deserved stickers, if not major lollipop action for each and every one of my acts of courage.  But this time, I whimpered with tears streaming down my cheeks.  No sticker for you, crybaby.

As mentioned, x-rays were done.  The tech gave me a yet-unread copy for my orthopedic appointment on Monday.  This was a serious error on her part as I know enough medicine to get myself in trouble. I spend at least an hour a day holding the films up to a window, obsessing over the crack line at the top of  my thigh bone and observing with horror that my left leg rides higher up on my pelvis than my right.  When I get to the ortho doc's on Monday, I'll take a pic of the x-rays against a proper light box for you.  In the meantime, this is what I've been looking at -

 

My right leg is to the left. The greater trochanter is the outward bulge at the top of the femur opposite the femoral head (the ball in the hip socket).  I don't have Photoshop on my MacBook, but I provide some notes on the flickr version of this trainwreck.

Okay, who wants a MaiTai with an Advil back?  Pouring and dosing now, dollins.  Get in line.  I'm first.

Comments

[Don]

Oh no Grace! I hope this doesn't keep you down for long. Thanks for the comment on my blog. Btw, I heard Obama fathered 2 black children in wedlock!

[GraceD]

And, he was holed up with a WHITE WOMAN in Hawaii the last couple of days!!!

[mamadaisy]

WTH is right! how on earth did you do this? and i think you deserve more than advil. feel better soon, Mama G.

lovely picture of the trees through the x-ray.

[GraceD]

My dollin mamadaisy, thanks for the well wishes. I don't know how I cracked my hip but I agree, I do deserve more pain relief than what's offered in over the counter analgesics.
That's where the Mai Tais come in. Shall I mix one up for you, dear?

[LBG2244]

Hey Macho Chic, crying doesn't take away the Macho it just stops you from imploding. Please let Dan and I know if there is anything we can do for you...you know like come over and stock up your fridge with pitchers of Mai Tai's for your week ahead.

[Velma]

Oh, my - I have hip issues of my own, as in "one didn't grow at the same rate as the other" and "your joints are really loose." It's amazing how painful it is to have a sore hip joint, and how frustrating when you have a perfectly good leg attached to an aching hip! Hang in there - PT is probably in order, after the whole Rest N' Rum" thing plays itself out.

(Or maybe you fractured yourself with your powerful Kegeling?)

[Stan Schwarz]

Ow. I'm sorry to hear about this. Just looking at the picture hurts. But the redwoods add a nice touch.

[GetSheila]

My sister the pharmacist keeps Vicoden on hand for just such emergencies.

Legally obtained, left over from her last surgery, I should add - but still in date.

Stockpile, my dear, stockpile.

I hope they can fix it fast and get you out of pain soonest.

Meanwhile, party all the time. Heh.

[Jo]

OMG m'dear, that's terrible! I hope you feel better soon.

[shaunna]

grace, i hope you heal well & soon - & without too much pain. good thoughts going your way.

btw, your mama's adobo sounds yummy... (and what a great mental picture of her ready to kick-ass on the impertinent with that wooden spoon!)

[julie]

I hope you find some relief soon, Grace.

[Divina]

oh my goodness! i hope you get to feeling better soon, grace! you need some arroz caldo *and* adobo!

xoxo
D

[Liz@thisfullhouse]

Ooooh and OUCH - you poor, thing - keep those Mai Tais coming and I hope that you find relief, really quick!

[Mechelle]

As an orthopaedic nurse, I feel compelled to tell you to lay off the advil. It can impair the healing process. Hope you're doing better.

[contaminated soil]

Hi,
I'm sorry to hear about this. Just looking at the picture hurts. But the redwoods add a nice touch.